To have that stunning sense of fearlessness, no matter what challenge shows up.
So how do we generate that kind of confidence, that we see those “successful” people have?
And what’s it like to be on the inside of that kind of success?
When I look back on my life thus far, I like to look back on the successes I’ve had.
When I am striving for something new, I often forget that I’ve been successful.
I approach things as if I haven’t been successful or was never confident.
Have you ever felt that way?
For instance, I look back at the bands I have had, the songs I’ve written, the shows we’ve played.
I look back at my information technology career in New York City, and how I started knowing very little about technology.
I worked my way up to the manager level because of my drive and work ethic from ground zero. I kicked ass.
We can (and I believe should) work on changing self-limiting beliefs.
This definitely helps for reducing resistance to taking action in starting a business, advancing our career. Or asking that person out on a date. Whatever your confidence challenge may be.
Let me tell you something I’ve learned about confidence – rarely does it come before the act of doing something we are afraid or unsure of.
Simpler is better when learning how to develop self confidence.
We often mistake confidence for the feeling of shining valiance and courage, that we think should be in place before taking action.
That’s wrong-headed thinking.
Do some people with self-confidence, feel self-confident? Absolutely they do.
But did you ever ask them if they ALWAYS felt confident?
They weren’t worried about being confident or not; they weren’t concerned about overcoming low self esteem.
They just did it, and then later noticed they were confident, but it wasn’t a second thought either way, whether they actually felt confident.
What’s more, I’ll bet you will be surprised to find that many people who are confident feeling now, and certainly confident acting, didn’t feel that way at first.
Confident people aren’t in a battle with their feelings. Are you trying to figure out how to control your emotions?
If so, try allowing them to be there instead of controlling them, this should free your energy up to act, instead of fighting with yourself.
The real way to have self confidence, is to literally feel the fear, and do it anyway.
You see the feeling of confidence and real self-confidence don’t have to be there together.
This is a sure-fire way of how to overcome fear, everytime.
“The ACTION comes FIRST. The CONFIDENCE comes LATER!”
Mind-blowing, groundbreaking, right?
I’ll bet you were expecting some amazing technique or new system. No way.
Eventually you will feel more and more confident, as you act in spite of your fear.
And practicing doing this will make you pretty much unstoppable with everything but the most extreme fears.
It’s not about believing or following the fear.
It’s also not fighting the fear, nope.
It’s about allowing it to be there, even going into it further, really feeling it, know that it’s just False Evidence Appearing Real.
How to Have Self Confidence…Really?
Awareness and mindfulness practice of allowing those fearful thoughts and emotions to be there, acknowledging them is one of the most powerful ways to have self-confidence in any situation.
It’s building up a new relationship with fear, transforming it even to a fuel that can help propel you into action, is truly a wonderful thing. It’s the way to get out of your head and stop thinking all the time.
When learning how to build self confidence, it’s important to look at values, too – very important.
To create a story of how you want to show up in the world based on what matters most to you, and the kind of life you want to lead and the kind of person you want to be, deep down, every day.
This gives us a solid guidance system to making sure we focus on what’s really important to do, regardless of the fear that is there.
For years, and years, and years I tried to get rid of fears first, tried to get self-confidence first and searched for countless ways on how to improve self confidence.
I’m actually really surprised I’m back to the simple old “feel the fear and do it anyway.”
If you have a formula or technique on how to have self confidence, I’d love to hear it, though I’ll be skeptical about it, as I’ve pretty much seen it all.
Don’t be a technique chaser, trying to find that magic technique of how to increase self confidence.
It’s all part of the skillset of learning how to build the muscle of change, anyways.
Work on your overall development, not on a specific technique or method.